Why do divorced men dress like that?

In this world, there are divorced men (in reality) and men who are its branches divorce (derogatory).

A married man will either divorce or not. Men can also divorce and remarry, or divorce and remarry and divorce again, more and more, as many times as they want. According to the Census Bureau, roughly 33 percent of straight men who have been married have also been divorced, and the older the man, the more likely he will have been divorced at some point.

But that’s not what people mean when they call the most divorced man. In describing men this way, wordsmiths have crafted a critical spectrum to reflect their dismay, concern, disgust, chagrin, and often sexual aversion in hypermasculinity specifically shared by high-profile divorced guys. Journalist and critic Hunter Harris has a little more on the “most divorced” men, naming Kanye West, Elon Musk, Ben Affleck, Joe Jonas, and Jeff Bezos as examples. The difference is not about how many times a man’s marriage is dissolved, but the severity of the resulting aura and how he presents himself.

Example: Musk is divorced, but he’s the most divorced when he posts pictures of a gun, a can of decaffeinated Diet Coke, and a tiny reprint of George Washington crossing the Delaware River on his nightstand.

While the behavior varies, the aesthetics of the most divorced men remain very consistent, and it is tight, sometimes shiny, clothes and a starter pack of flashy accessories.

The derision received raises an important question: If most divorced men should be avoided, then why certain men, especially famous, continue to dress as divorced? Why is the most divorced idiot aesthetic so popular, even though the most divorced idiot persona is not?

To be clear, it is not that all divorced men wear a certain set of clothes; This is that some newly single straight men dress and accessorize in a way that eroticizes a violent loveless persona. It usually involves leather, lots of black, and a tight fit. Such are the importance of additions: aviators, bracelets or other jewelry such as expensive watches, luxury cigarettes and lighters, and less appreciated decorations such as guns and cryptocurrency. As if this man could be asked to shoot something and then light it on fire, all in a designer T-shirt.

“This is about the type of middle-aged man who hits the club in a certain jacket, in a certain shirt and a certain type of jeans and shoes, and he looks like a guy who is trying to appeal to a. 22 years old,” said Derek Guy. Guy, the founder of Die, Workwear!, has also become a celebrity on X for his expertise in menswear. “And it’s not just, going to Target, for example. They’re going to higher-end stores, but at the same time, they’re probably buying trends that are 10 to 20 years old, and they’re not following how trends and things have moved .”

Guy explains that this fit is even more glaring now that young people are actually wearing big or baggy clothes. But the example is not far from divorced men from the previous generation trying to look younger – or not far from what we previously labeled as midlife-crisis Chic (leather jacket, hair dye and / or a toupee, a convertible).

All of these strong aesthetic choices mean that most divorced men really shouldn’t be divorced. What matters here is a mood, a feeling, a state of existence that most of us want no part of. Can watch it from a distance – from the phone screen, preferably – to be a shared relief. The beauty of the most divorced idiot archetype is that he is rarely, if ever, in the same room as us but, at the same time, is everywhere, like a boogeyman who loves Las Vegas nightlife.

Although we probably draw this idea from what we see in the media of rich and powerful celebrities like Musk, Bezos, and Affleck, who have access to stylists and social media managers – Guy encourages us to think about the way we plan money. into fashion, and into men, famous or ordinary, wearing these clothes. On one level, an uber-divorced man in men’s clothing can cling to an expression of masculinity. But the people who make these decisions also create a narrative in their heads about what kind of person he is.

Guy worries that as this spreads to ordinary guys who want to experiment in their fashion, divorced or not, it ends up having a chilling effect. “I’m careful with the term” – divorced man – “because I always want to make it easier for men to enter what I consider a hobby,” says Guy. “And using that term can make people anxious [about fashion] and just put another obstacle, another fear, in the way of them finding something that I think can be satisfying.

Delineation is in the intention and awareness. As Guy points out, some guys buy Rolex because they want you to think certain things about them, their strength, their wealth, their masculinity; Other guys just really like watches.

With this in mind, it seems that what unites the style of divorced men is that they wear their masculinity as a shield. They want you to think they are too manly to be contained, which they represent with choices everyone knows no woman had a hand in. What they could not have done, however, reconcile the husband they used to be with the man they ‘re now.

Some people consciously choose clothes that are visually unappealing because they think it’s horrible. Deliberately doing that would be clownish behavior. There is some connection there, the gap between what one person thinks looks good and what presents them to others as an insidious archetype. That break may indicate something deeper.

“One thing I know very well is that there are many resources for women who are divorced and women who are going through a divorce. And I don’t think there is the same support for men,” said Alexandra Solomon, a psychologist specializing in relationships. She explained that because of the support this, women have a better understanding of life after divorce, while men – billionaires and non-billionaires – do not have the same clarity and support.

“There’s really a lack of community support and conversation about how to help men get out of marriage in a way that respects the profound shift in identity that happens when you get out of divorce.”

But how does that loss and confusion turn into the dreaded t-shirt purchase? Does lack of resources drive men to post pictures of beer and guns for clout? Are men just an aesthetically violent sleeper agent waiting for activation, and that triggers divorce?

There are myriad steps between the split and buying an outfit to represent said split. Solomon explains that what lives between – or, crucially, fails – is a psychological term called “self-concept clarity.” Essentially, this is how humans frame our own identity and how we think we know ourselves. He says research has shown that when people go through emotional turmoil, their sense of self is damaged.

“We shouldn’t laugh at them and we shouldn’t feel sorry for them,” Solomon said of men who make bold fashion choices after a breakup. “But we can be curious about what they show. Reclamation? Transition? New identity? We’re all generally clunky about all that stuff.

ego death coupled with a lack of emotional support may be why certain men seek out the stupid aesthetics of divorce. Hypermasculine clothes and other external markers help them to identify themselves or graft the idea of ​​what they consider to be a single man to anyone who already exists. Aesthetic stupid divorce is, often, a picture of a single man – a caricature of another caricature, but absent irony or self-awareness. And maybe it’s all in an effort to show the world that they’re okay.

It is the sexual implications of these signifiers that can be unnerving to others. There is a sense that they belong to an aggressive young man on-the-prowl. It is true that people should dress in a way in which they find strength, and a leather cuff is not in itself an unwanted sexual overture. But it’s hard to ignore the fleshly expectations it seems to imply for the wearer.

Because the stupidest vibe of divorce is so close to the tenets of toxic masculinity – aggression, violence, sexism, mandatory heterosexuality – yuck it elicits feels too similar. There is something very insecure about holding on to old masculine norms. Expressing our ick reflects our own changing ideas about how men should act and present themselves.

“We always have to investigate ourselves ew. us ew says a lot about us, as many say about other people,” Solomon said. “Us ews always worthy of our research.

That knee-jerk, shudder reaction is a problem when divorced guys seem to need all the empathy they can get. Community, especially among men who have re-conceived themselves after the split and who are still in the process, may be the answer. After all, divorce is not a bad thing – except in reality.